Relying on the strength of the past

Have you ever had a bad day? Not a horribly bad day, but bad enough that you are overwhelmed ill equipped to handle another moment that day has to offer? Days like that seem to be happening to me more and more these days. Maybe it's the added stress of pregnancy or the difficulties I seem to place myself in but life is getting harder and harder. It's days like these that I am grateful for the past. I am glad to be able to look back and see that I have come through difficult days before and it gives me strength to conquer the challenge I am facing today. I have strength through many sources, none of which come from me, but from all around me when I choose to reach for them.

   Recently I was going through some pictures and found these sweet photos of my kids. They give me more strength than I could imagine, even though they are often the source of my want of it. I looked at their happy faces, thought of the challenges to come and how they seemed blissfully unaware of them. They were living in the moment, loving each other and just being kids. Looking back on happy moments gives me strength to go on each day, even the hard ones.

When I grow up

Meg has been pretty consistent in her choices of occupations for when she grows up. For over a year now she's decided that when she grows up she's going to be a mommy and a helicopter pilot. Ballerina, baker, or landscaper were never even an option. Today, while we were in the car running errands, she surprised me with a new twist on her carefully planned out future.
  "Mom," she said, "When I grow up I am going to be a mommy first, then a doctor and then a helicopter pilot. I am going to be a doctor over where Grandpa lives so that I can help him get better."
   Grandpa is fighting a hard battle with lung cancer. It's newly diagnosed and it's been difficult for all of us to wrap our heads around. She's been mailing him pictures and talking to him via video chat too. She's concerned about him getting better and has been remembering him in her prayers, mostly at dinner time.
  Maybe it's the pregnancy, maybe it's a mom thing, but I teared up a little. I hope health for him too. And I hope her future is as amazing as her 4 year old heart can dream it to be.

It's a new day...

  I have an awesome family who is generous beyond belief. A few months ago my cousin Sarah sent me her Wishblade to use for as long as I needed it. It took me a while to get it together, but finally it's working with new blades and mats that stay put. After a few trial and errors, my first project was to cut out this quote and put it on the mirror in the bathroom.

   It's my husband's favorite quote he's fond of telling the kiddos in the mornings when we're all home and they come wake us up with cuddles. Those days are far and few between now that the big kid is too old for that (his words) and the husband is working long, horrible hours. Being out of the door by 5 a.m. usually means no one else is stirring yet. In any case, while preparing for school this year, I wanted the kids to remember his favorite quote and be able to see it every day. I think it turned out cute and I am hoping it will bring a few more positive thoughts to everyone who sees it. Thinking positive things brings positive things into your life.

Dirt + water= fun

5 Neighborhood kids + gardening spades + dirt + a well connected hose = tons of summer fun.

It's been a long week

A little over a week ago I woke up in the middle of the night to put Meg back to bed and was three steps away from the bed when I ended up on the floor. It took me a minute to realize my world was spinning. Fast and clockwise. When I woke up in the morning I knew something was very wrong. The next day I spent in the hospital undergoing various tests and checking on the peanut happily sucking all of my energy and growing like it's supposed to be. Diagnosis:vestibular neuritis, it causes vertigo. Vertigo is not serious, it's just debilitating. I have spent most of the last week in bed.  Finally I am up walking again, but still not driving. Justin's been on shift work, so he's not getting home early and his schedule is making it very hard for him to help. It could be worse, right? He could be deployed.

   While laying in bed or sitting on my couch watching the world spin, I have had cause to be grateful. I have the most wonderful friends who have jumped in to care for me and my kids. They have been taken to the park to play,  to the library and school shopping. One sweet friend came over with her grand daughter and helped me put 20 meals in my freezer for the future. (While I am not looking forward to it and hoping it won't happen this time, I am preparing for bed rest later in this pregnancy.) I have had rides to doctor's appointments and visits from well wishers. Groceries have showed up,  my dishes have been washed and my laundry has been done, although not by me. When Meg suddenly realized one day this week that none of her shoes fit her any more and she was tired of being Drizella, a friend showed up at my house and took us to get her new shoes. Sparkly shoes, of course.
  I am reminded again and again how to look for the blessings in the midst of despair and illness. Sometimes it seems as if you can't take another step. Perhaps on your own you can't. That's why we have prayer and friends and community. Today, I am glad for many things and my heart is full for every deed, thought, prayer and text that has come the way of my family. Here's to better days.... I much prefer being on the other end of  service.

We can do hard things

Some things are hard and some things are easy. One of the things we talk about in our family all of the time is our ability to do hard things. We have the ability, the faith and the support to try something new and scary. We may not succeed the very first time, but we can try again and again. We also talk a lot about not making others feel bad for thinking something is hard when we think it may be easy for us. Everyone has their own fears and stumbling blocks and we are all different. If we use a little compassion in dealing with others and instead focus on helping them do hard things, everyone feels better about themselves.
   A few months ago Meg developed a fear of dogs. Not just a mild fear, as in not wanting to pet them, but an all out, cross the street, stay far far away fear. They scared her to her toes. She was knocked down by a bulldog and after that, she wanted nothing to do with any kind of dog at all. The neighbors barking dogs in their yard scared her when she was outside, even though she knew they couldn't get over to her.
   Today for no other reason than her brother was standing next to her, Meg decided to pet a friend's dog. This is the most calm, sweet dog on the planet. She allows her little girl to dress her up, haul her around and play mercilessly with her. Meg took her time but managed to sit down and pet the sweet dog. She was so proud of herself. Thanks to Ms. Christine who took the picture and was sweet and patient enough to allow her to try again and again until she was ready.
   This was a hard thing for Meg. Just something small for others. I have no illusions that this is the end of her fear, but know she has proven to herself that she can do something even when it's scary. She's proud of herself and we are happy for her too. Small steps lead to great places.

A Pinkalicious Day

    Just after Meg's birthday party a friend sent me a note that Pinkalicious, the Musical was coming to our area performed by the Junior Theater. I bought tickets in May. I waited over a month to tell her about it, but I should have waited longer. It's an eternity when you are 4 to wait more than 3 days for something fun you just can't WAIT to do. Today was FINALLY the day.

 We headed out to the Casa Del Prado theater in Balboa Park for our day of fun. It was a short play but very fun with 7 musical numbers and lots of costume changes, which we are still talking about here at home. The dancing Cupcakes golden legs are also a topic of conversation. The first thing she said as we were walking away is that she loved it and she wants to see another play right away. I love how excited she was and how much she enjoyed herself. My favorite song... You Get What You Get and You Don't Get Upset.

   After leaving Balboa Park we wandered around a little and found the Goodwill Boutique on 16th. My baby sister spent all last year telling people she wasn't turning 30 until she had a Dooney and Bourke handbag. Her birthday was a couple of months ago, and she did turn 30 without it, but today I found the perfect bag at the perfect price. A mere $35 for this darling bag that you can find for full retail price here. I guess that goes to show that great things happen after the big 3-0. Meg likes "the B bag" a lot too and tried to convince me to let her keep it. By the time you turn 30, I told her, you might just have one, but it won't be this one.

   We left out shopping expedition in search of lunch. I tried to talk her into a few different places we haven't been before, but she was stuck on MCD's. It's her favorite place. I can't eat anything good there anymore because of diabetes, but she had a good lunch and I did have my diet coke with sugar free vanilla syrup. Ah, the indulgence.
  We got home about the same time as Dad and Bug who had gone to a new chief meet and greet BBQ. They had a great time, got a little too much sun and were glad to be home. Meg jumped on dad's lap and told him all about the costumes, songs and pink cupcakes that were for sale afterwards that Mom wouldn't stand in line to get for her. She wants to go and see Harold and the Purple Crayon next. I don't have a clue if she knows what that's about, but I remember it from my childhood. We might be looking for tickets sometime soon. If you are in the area, join us. It's going to be fun!